To be completely honest

I'm a blogging slacker. I blame some of it on grad school which is giving me gray hair and sucking all the light out of my life. Thank goodness for this wonderful spring break week.

Chad and I went on a hot date to his cadaver lab Saturday night after class. Honestly, it was pretty awesome. I thought I would be grossed out, but as Chad kept telling me, "these are not people anymore." I kept that mantra on repeat as he showed me all of the parts he has dissected and guys ... I got to hold a real human heart in my hand. I'm in communications, that was truly, and honestly a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. It was thought-provoking and surreal, I honestly loved it. 

Then that handsome man of mine went all out and made Brazilian food for Sunday dinner. My heart was swooning. Feijoada, couve cozida, Guaraná and Mousse de maracujá. You guys ... this took me right back to Brazil and all the people I love who live there. Chad and I are really going to try our darndest to get back there after his Step 1 next March. 

Lastly, I would like to issue a public apology to my amazing, incredibly extraordinary husband. The last 4 weeks of grad school truly got the better of me. I apologize for being angry and cold. I apologize for not giving you the recognition you deserve for cleaning the house, doing the laundry, taking care of Hobbes and simply loving me when I know it was hard. You are my dream man and so much more than I deserve, I am the luckiest lady on this earth.

Only 60 days until I walk. 

Just love

Chad & my one year anniversary is less than one week away. I can't believe it's been one year and at the same time I feel like we've been together forever.

Chad & I were laying in bed talking and he said, "I never thought I would feel so close to someone. We've only been married a year but I feel like I've known you for so much longer. I feel so close to you, you're my best friend." 

My heart melted.

Chad is great at being affectionate and expressing his love towards me. I on the other hand, have a harder time expressing my feelings. But in the almost 365 days of being married I have learned something that makes the biggest difference for me ... 

Just love.

In the middle stages of being married I found myself letting the differences of Chad and I get in the way of my loving him. I would look at our music, cold cereal, bed time differences and think, "we're just too different ..." then those thoughts would turn into feelings. Those feelings then got in the way of my love for him. 

After one particularly stressful week I came to a hard realization. All week I was pushing Chad away from me. Fighting against his love and not accepting the love he was trying to give to me. The entire week he just wanted to love me. Why was I letting our differences get in the way of my infinite love for Chad?

That night I made a goal for myself. No matter what happened I wouldn't let anything get in the way of my love for Chad, I was going to just love him. That has made a huge impact. Rather than pushing him away I bring him in closer. Rather than allowing our differences to be a problem, they now compliment each other. Rather than not actively waking up everyday and choosing to love Chad, I now actively love him.

Love is a choice, and from that choice comes the feeling. In my short amount of time of being married I have learned to just love Chad, and be active in my love towards him.

Thank you Chad for being the best example of choosing love every single day.

First Date

This weekend was really great with my Chadicous. No we didn't do anything crazy amazing. But there were some moments we had together that were priceless to me.

Friday was a stressful day for me. That husband of mine gave me a back massage and let me drift off to sleep early.

Saturday was a nightmare. That husband of mine picked me up from the ground where I sat crying and carried me over to the bed. Where he cuddled and kissed me. And asked about my feelings and really cared. That same night I was washing dishes when I heard music coming from our living room ... piano music. It was Chad playing the piano. I can't think of any better thing than listening to him play the piano. It was soothing. He let me pick out some songs for him to play. One of which was "Come What May" yes, from Moulin Rouge. Hearing him play it on the piano was even better than the movie. I had so much emotion tied to him playing that song. I felt, overwhelmed. It was a really intimate moment for me, one that he created without knowing. I felt connected to my husband and I wished he would just play that song all night with me sitting there staring at his hands gracefully moving over the keys.

Then he was my hero and played "The Cave" by Mumford and Sons. My heart literally soared the entire time he was playing it. He doesn't like Mumford, but he has no idea that him playing made my entire day. He then kissed me on the forehead. That wonderful hour of him playing is one of my fondest moments to date.

Sunday I made waffles for breakfast and we went to church. Afterward we drove the Alpine Loop. One year ago we drove the same Alpine Loop for our first date. How charming life is to be with him in the same car one year later with a ring on my finger. On our first date I didn't even think about if we would get married. All I knew was I wanted to be with him. And now I am. One year later from our first date, I'm his wife.

How lucky am I?



P.S. To see how Chad's interview went check out his med school update page.